Sporadic mind

  I was about seven years old when I (secretly) attended my very first funeral out of sheer curiosity. While at a school parade, our teacher announced the death of one of the neighbors and he encouraged kids who were friends and family to attend the funeral. And this is how I voluntarily took myself through a horror movie. Many years later, I lost my granny, auntie, and eventually my dad. Now, for the longest time, it never occurred to me that someone younger, who hasn’t been sick for so long can die too. I always waited for people to reach their 70s or 80s to start thinking of a possibility of losing them until I was utterly shocked last year in September when my 40-year-old sister died. It was (and still is) absolutely unbelievable. When you lose someone you grew up with, the one who taught you your first rhymes, one that taught you godly values, one who constantly told you stories just to hear your giggles, and one who always made you feel special no matter how grown you bec...

  At first, I thought it was a thing for overly spiritual people, then afterward, I imagined it could be a personality thing, but then I realized that the paranoia of going public about happy moments, especially relationships before marriage is real. And it got me really wondering, who started this and why? We know that Adam and Eve should be blamed for most pains that come to us in life; cramps, job hurdles, name it. But who should be blamed for the normalization of hiding beautiful things? Why can't I casually post a happy picture of myself with le boyfriend without necessarily raising eyebrows?   Recently, Juju la Belle tweeted: "Here is a theory that I don't understand about keeping your partner off social media until you're engaged/ready for marriage. 'What if they break up with you after that?' …Live every happiness as it was the last. What if you die today? Make yourself happy. Only You."   It's not like we are planning on dying, really....

What you may not know about suffering from this bizarre virus is endless. The strangest thing is that you most likely won't know that you have it until you get tested. You think this is common knowledge, right? Not exactly, it isn't, otherwise, people (especially medics) who look at COVID patients like a self-made ticking time bomb would know better.   It has a ridiculous way of robing control of your own body. It betrays you. You constantly feel drained, cold-very cold, confused and even hangover, all at the same time. The fear of sleeping while wondering if you'll wake up is real. I thought about this severally and all I told God was, 'Please God, don't do this. My family has been through enough already.'   The last time I had actively thought about 'smell' as a sense was probably in my lower primary school where we sang the rhyme, 'Our five senses'. If you went to a polite school like me, you should know this song.   The other time is ...

Christmas means family to me. So when I lost my big sister, Queen, in September, I just knew it was canceled for this year. You can't experience festivity three months after losing your sibling, it's ridiculous. Covering up the pain and thoughts by watching other happy people while I play Christmas carols on my saxophone seemed like the perfect plan. Now with the whole COVID-19 scare and all the regulations that came with it, my entertainment gigs were mostly canceled. However, Christmas weekend arrived soon after I had signed a sweet deal with Serena hotel and I was over the moon. Let alone working with this envied brand, this was the perfect solution for my pain during the season. Imagine spending Christmas weekend in Rubavu, playing saxophone by the lake shores! How dreamy! But nah. 2020 couldn't let me have that, either. I pictured it saying ‘just kidding’, with a little smirk on the face. As you might know, to access hotels (as guests), one needs to test for COVI...

  What a year!   2020 has wounded us in different ways. I have even failed to pinpoint one major category of pain to focus on. There have been all sorts of losses this year. Several people lost their sources of income, theft cases have insanely increased due to the unemployment levels (I came to understand). I'm, however, still trying to comprehend how unemployment made cars (read Toyota cars) become so vulnerable and easily broken into, no actually- easily opened by strangers. With keys.   So much to the extent that nowadays, when you go to a new neighborhood or supermarket, it is safer to carry all your property (laptop bag, saxophone, shoes, and water bottle) on your back, lest someone cleans out your Toyota (again).   But that wasn't all. This year sadly robbed us of so many loved ones. Some succumbed to Covid19, while others to different illnesses and accidents, but the pandemic made each loss experienced twice as painful. The hustle that one had t...

What do you do when life is uncertain but you have to wake up and live it anyway? When your medication is stronger than you thought so you wake up 20 minutes before 10am, a time you were lucky to have a researcher and scientist from work agree to an interview with you (lucky because they hate cameras and everyone behind them). When your face and eyes are puffy from the effects of the meds, yet you have to sober up. Shower, look, and smell fresh like a normal human. You have to brave throughout the day, smile and ask questions behind the camera. You were recently rejected for a job, you applied for but here you are, behind the wheel with 90% of your brain thinking of editing your CV for a new position, while the 10% focuses on the road. Sometimes it’s the little things that keep you going. Things like seeing your favorite (dream) car following you in the rears. Things like walking into your cute little office and finding the professor you’re supposed to interview waiting there b...